calm.

Through the tough times, it can get quite difficult. The work isnt so tough, the dynamics are. Its hard to understand, and be understood. Look past and over. tell me what you see then.



In many ways, i guess i should be anxious and (banned word from my mom: panicky) because i have an exam tmr.



but im not.



Nandayo!? hahaha. this is surprising. the words seem comprehensible. the concepts are somehow clear. and the pocky is very addictive. 3 for $2.40! how not to be addictive! haha. the packet drinks come in handy too.
This exam period, i will remember studying in mervyns house. No longer do exams and work become associated with 809D. its now 1208D. whahaha!



just a few more hours, how exciting. LOL.
Thank You for letting me see..



..the clam.



!? nono..





..the Calm.



:)

ignition.

This is all about letting it loose.
about seeing things.

Seeing things not as the multitudes see
going back in reverse, many a time.

this blog may get an overhaul soon enough
that i can foresee! =)

haha. maybe im getting corny, but i dont really eat corn. the exams are around, and i dont believe i have studied more or harder in any previous efforts. procrastination has led me to blogging (in exasperation, ANYTHING but study) haha. but really, i think i need a break. you cant study 24/7 can you? mm. for the sake of good concentration and so as not to be owned, i have fled from my house (land of distraction) and to merv's place (not much better, land of anime) in an attempt to give total undivided attention to my many thick readers.

This time however, i do think i have learnt more than just the fairly interesting bits of my syllabus. No, not only have i made an effort to force all the other bits (which is alot) into my thick head, and how to study better and more effectively (ie. skip redundant bits. haha), through this testing exam period (hurhur, funny ah) i have learnt some of the more important lessons that come from following Him. through it all..

..not to mention i've realised how crazy-nice-but-addictive pocky is when you're studying. shoot.

woah. this must be like the longest non two-sentence-then-skip-two-lines entry i have had in like months. crazy manss. it is nice to type so much again (that is not an essay to hand in) in long while. many may not know (or believe) this, but im actually quite fond of writing. :) especially when its stuff that isnt important. words are a great way to capture feelings. if there was an exam that would be on 'why don't you like exams', i might go nuts on it. haha. hey whaddaya know! i banged out close to four thousand words in my last exam that i had last friday. haha. comes from reading your entire reader back to front. twice. of course, thank You for that. -smile! mm..

so why are blogs so interesting to read? well, maybe its alot to do with the natural kaypoh inside us also! haha. but it is nice to see what's going on in someone else's life. :)

someone is bugging me to getout from where im sitting. oh, i also have gotten my laptop back from annie ;) please dont guess where i am.

cheerio!

GG

i am undeniably owned.

The assignment is sorta stuffed up.

but we're going to go ahead with it.

we've done what we can.

given it our best shot.

now we can only hope

and pray

that its enough.

Thank You for seeing me through

I am thankful

its gonna be 8am soon

bright outside

like the sunlight penetrating the windows

birds chirping

leaves rustling

im still in the lab

2 hours to go..





GG

spicypeppersoup.

yepp im cooking that now. just waiting for it to boil..i think.. for another 15 mins? goodness there's like 1000000000kgs of pork fats in there. was cutting up so much pork (and fats) its not funny seriously!

mmm..had a good run today.

Thank You for being there. always.
it was very beautiful today.
You were there right
i knew k
could feel You
=)

oooo..almost time to eat! woohoo

oh and a happy fathers day going out to my dad (to whom i owe a beer) and all dads out there.
Thank the Lord for dads
after all
You are THE Dad. of dads.
hahaha

DINNER TIME!!



*dun stress k? hahaha. always here. =)

goodmorningtoyou!

Its noon.

noon! I've just woken up.

well done, jon. wasted half the day again.

Glance at the phone. A message. A smile.

My eyes somehow don't seem to want to open, so focusing seems just a lil' tough.

I force myself. Sit up. reach out.

"thwack"

Smash the snooze button once more. alarm been bugging me for the past half hour.

Feeling a lil better now

I pick up my phone

I smile anyway, even if there was no message.

Because

It's a new day.



Good morning, Lord! =)

His love.

Lord i am broken. I am lost. I know not what to think, say or feel. Lord where are You?
I need You.



I am here



Where? I know you're meant to be in me. with me. but i dont feel you. how come?



I am here



Why is it like this? I feel so. so empty. i long for it. yearn. i've felt it before, once. maybe twice. but i dont feel anything. not yet, not now. why? where is your place in this? i want it, Lord. i want it!



You are my child, and I love you



But listen! i really really want it! why is it not this way? why do i need it to make me feel like i'm me? i cant stop thinking about it, i reaally cant.



I love you



But its not so much what happens now or later, maybe i could do without it. maybe if you give me one chance at it to see if it is to be then i'll be happy. maybe?



I love you



why cant i see it the way that its meant to be. is it even meant to be. i cant bear it any longer



I love you



wha..? what was that? im so lost. broken.



I love you



...i don't know anymore. I...



I love you



....



I love you









I love You too.



Do you know how much Jesus loves you?

" so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love surpasses all knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." [Ephesians 3:17-19]

thank you!

Thank you everyone who made my transition from nineteen to non-teen such a memorable occasion! haha. To the guys, thanks for the lunch and bf2! cs for old times sake was gd. really havent done that in a long while. To the wonderful bunch who surprised me with the dinner and made it to the lil afterparty at my place, i still cant believed you guys brought me to ling nam! haha (even though the food has already been through the digestive cycle, ok..um, too much info, i still cant believe it! thanks guys! =) ) and for every special person who remembered my birthday (and even those who didnt!), thank you!! To my wonderful family, thank you and love you all loads. and finally. most of all. with all of my heart. Thank You.

for everything.

tears.

I used to be addicted
to sorrow

melancholic tunes and
stabs at the heart
conjured up only painful images
of what once was
and what was
to be
laced with wistful promises
of a surreal happiness
emptiness now made certain
I ran
battered by fear
i ran
consumed
i ran
lost.


i ran

The clouds in the sky
seemed only too dark
swallowed the sky
as the sky wept
i couldn't tell
rain
from tears
they were my own

so i thought

once. maybe twice.
never again
but this is not to be
for there is One far greater

and through Him
has flowed
joy

I dream again.

love.hope.truth


"For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand,
and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." isaiah 41:13

smile.

A big fat wide one. and i can't stop. i reaaaaaally can't!

=D

paint overdue.

First and formost, i would like to thank God, for seeing us through once again. Lord, You have blessed us so greatly, and we are ever so thankful. =)

Sometimes when things dont seem like they're going right. Don't lost faith, don't lose hope.
Thanks lucy also "..for everything thing else, theres... ma.. "
haha. you know.

hey! we are supposed to be painting! haha. at least i should be, my hols project AND my wall. haha!

"..don't lean your face on the handlebar."=)

hands are much better aren't they? *chuckle.

its about fujiwara tofu.

initial D the movie is so cool.
somehow, im rather happy now that i got my license in manual. hahaha.
hope you had a fun time, russ!

im sure. then im not again. im sure. then im not. im sure?
when i finally give in. when i finally throw in the towel. suddenly it seems like an empty fight.
so tell me if it's empty.

im tired of fighting.

boy meets dog.

panda!

and again! =D

GROVE STREET. 4 LIFE.

i found this (somewhat) ancient photo of myself somewhere in my computer today. cant really remember what the weighing scale measured then.. similar hair ( as now, after cutting ). whatever it is, i think this was at least a couple of years ago. and whatever happened to that shirt. been looking all over for it!

San Andreas has gotten the better of me for the past 3 days. i cant believe it. didnt think i could still spend so much time playing games (thought i had grown outta all that. apparently not) mmm..otherwise today was a pretty good day! DETROIT WON! yeah! it's game 7, baby! not over yet!

Deeeeeeeeeeeeetroit! BASKETBALL! hahahaha. only kev would get this.

went running/jogging again for the first time in a long time. really enjoyable, even though it was mighty cold today. and there was a really nice sunset. mmm...thank you! =D haha. First time on the swings in a billiongazillion years too, and i finally know where the fabled cg bball court is. finally! haha. yes im slow la.

Something (/one) tells me that im going to pick up my pen, pencil and brush again. soon. reaaal soon.

finally.

i've finally mustered enough willpower to get on blogger.com. haha. feels kinda weird. one of the main reasons why i sorta stopped for a week or so was mainly cuz' of my exams. it was pretty crazy to tell you the truth. i don't believe i've ever seen the sunrise from this apartment of mine on so many consecutive days. and what a spectacular sunrise it is. well all this because of studying till' two in the morning and waking up at six to make an effort at cramming whatever i can till' i have to face reality at nine when the exam starts. I did however realise something (ok not really cuz i've known this all along but pple dont believe me) that i really AM A MORNING PERSON. i am k. haha. contrary to what the possibly the whole world is thinking right now. I AM. so there. gahaha.
but this only applies when i get out of bed when its still dark. like 6am or something. somehow.

living with kevin this past week has been quite refreshing. after living alone for sucha long time (k not really) i've actually grown to be a person who enjoys his solitude. but to actually have someone around to goof around with and play games and eat and all that is a change from my usual routine. Ohwell its coming to an end now. kev is flying back to philippines after his paper on tuesday. (grrr. not fair) guess i'll see him on weekends at russell's after he gets back.

after this loooong stretch of exam stress (and constantly having this THING at the back of your mind that kinda picks at you telling you that you're not studying enough and this and that), it is very weird to wake up each day not knowing what to do with yourself. i mean. i might even go as far as to say i feel a little lost sometimes. haha. just too much free time. is that a good thing? (i know pple still having exams who would so throw a shoe at me right now) but well i guess it because it just hasn't sunk in yet. it's been what..4 days since my exams ended? haha. probably by tmr i'll get back on track. today marked the first time in a long time i actually spent the whole day at home playing game. GTA San Andreas to be exact. So it's justified i suppose. heh. but i really don't want to spend my holidays just sitting at home and bumming (although that would be nice) i really want to get out there and do something with myself. i suppose its also because not everyone has finished their exams as well. it's sorta lonely when its only you. haha. (again, some pple would want to throw something at me. RIGHT NOW) mmm..will start some sorta program thingy tmr. to set out what i want accomplished this holiday. haha. trust me it will involve alot of things to do with getting fit. bwahaha. fat clunks aren't we, eh max?

i suddenly realised that i've written a substantial amount as compared to my regular 'leave-a-line-in-the-middle' entries. Or my 'song-or-thoughtfully-written-poem' entries too. figured there has been too much of both recently. so i decided to blog about something more 'real' . heh. just to keep things fresh.

Oh well. guess i'll end here. it's nearing two am. kevin is already sleeping and i should too. (maybe after abit of reading) here's a shout out to all y'all who's still havin' exams. Good luck and all the best! Have faith in Him that He'll see you through! =D

im out.
peace

when in rome.

Sixteen moments
passed as i came
I'd thought i'd let go
of fortune and fame
well did i ever
want to do this thing right
and no i'd never ever
want to lose sight
of You

Believing in You
I'll see
Because only of You
I dream
So show me the way
I'll follow
the Truth
When I see the light
you'll see it too

I believe in miracles
just wanna see you shine
shining brightly
like pearls in the light
and never again
i'll won't lay around by night
'cause i'll be waitin'
just for the right time
It's true

Believing in You
I'll see
Because only of You
I dream
So show me the way
I'll follow
the Truth
When I see the light
you'll see it too

when the dust has settled
i'll be just fine
and maybe its here
could be just
my mind
but no matter what
or how things could go
there by your side
just let Him flow

Right next to you
i may be
But inside of you
He can see
so just for a little while
wait. hear the rain
Singin' i'm never gonna be
the same
again

escape.

Yes there is a light.
dim, in the distance
between darkness
in the night
delicate
at times
but unyielding
to the coldness within
both emanate
whisper
the icy kiss
on the bounteous prize
teeming with the glow
of that very light
It is hidden
both are
trapped within the steel
a chamber that confines
yet
you alone have the key
the power to open the gates
to release the hold
that prolongs
that of within
and all this is only

when you feel


so what do you think im talking about?

those who wait

how did i not see.

all this time.

since then.

i've been trying.

when did i slip?

i know not.

after running for all this while

i realise 'twas here all along.

how did you break through?

i ask myself.

and i can't find the answer.

sadly

when i do see

when i realise

when it hits me




its already too late.

ack.

Im tired. physically. mentally.

but not spiritually.

today didn't turn out quite the way i would've liked it to.

but it doesnt matter.

You're there.

Refusing to give in.

Yesss its been awhile since i last had an entry. If you would like to know. it has to do with the exams coming up. all 4 of 'em. I really did intend to 'camp' at home. seclude and exclude myself from everything else. sit meself down n just hit the books. hard.
As it is. Things never go to plan. Why am i not surprised.
Its sunday today. just got hm from church. Great message it was. One that i'll definitely take with me for all the years to come. Its two days before the first exam on tuesday morning. which leaves me...the rest of today + tmr to finish preparing for it. Once i get past this week!! arghhh. property ain't really that bad. its structures that is the hard one. Intensive studying, i need. Concentrate on what's ahead, i must do. Stop speaking like Yoda, just for the lame-ness of it, have to at least for the rest of this paragraph.
Sometimes i wish i'd just go get my 3 phone repaired. cant seem to get around to it. mmmmm. haveto haveto haveto. Haveto this. Haveto that.
Tell you what i need. I need to relax.
I need You.
i cant do without You. and i cant do it without You.

and i think i sleep way to much for my own good. yes yes, the eyebags, i know. but they're there all the time really. sleep is good. but there's a time for things. and now is really not a time for sleep. ive written this post in 3 seperate sessions. in the afternoon, evening and night saving it as a draft to continue each time.
Incredibly, the title of this post has been ringing in my head everytime i log into blogger.com today. Each and everytime. thats kinda weird considering i clean forget what i had previously wrote in each individual session. Guess that shows whats REALLY in my head. at the back of mind, throughout all the study n knowledge on the surface. and all the sidetracking written above.
I refuse to give in. I will persevere. Perhaps not for my own good but it doesnt matter. you dont know. and it aint about me. it shouldnt be. i only have one part in this. all the whys i ask myself. the uncertainties. its breathtaking sometimes. yet it seems so natural. just how did you come into the picture. it hasnt been easy to say the least. and it probably wont be for a good while. but since i get to pour it all out to Him, i really shouldnt worry so much. i believe. perhaps not in myself but in Him definitely. don't know where i will be led, but ive stopped wondering. imagining. trying to find a logical way out. but ive come to realise. there IS no logical way out. there is no planning, no preparing. no point thinking so much. there is only trust, and faith. because it is that great. because it is unpredictable.
And so i refuse to give in.

thats whats really on my mind.

I woke up!

..at 3pm today. but this really isn't about that. I may have wasted most of the day in a veryunsuccessfu attempttoreducethesizeofmyeyebags, but trust me i got alot more out of today then i usually do most days. I've woken up to other things. waaaaay more important things. and its all because of You.

-and yes krystin if you're reading i sorta did the joinupwordstoformanewword thing from you cuz i just read your blog. heheh. pardon me! =)

Josh Smith is just craaaaazy. dang how i wish i could fly like that. mad ups.

3 bangla workers hanging out on the sidewalk

Saved.

To the 3 people who saw me in a suit today, well. i was actually trying hard to avoid being seen. The whole moot court thing went okay i guess. Max sorta got owned by the opposition. Steve was great but crashed out near the end. Though i think we did a pretty good job, there obviously were some bits that didn't go our way. Can't believe they could set us up like that. They got it all wrong. And then. I just had to somehow. It was strange. There was a strange compulsion to stand up, interupt, and set things right. Couldn't let them have the last say, right? Better to make a statement than go down in flames. So i did. Took the bullet for steve-O. Saved the day, as rambo called it.

But it really wasn't me.

It was He.

and i am more than thankful.


*also, sorry lil panda! another time la. =D whahaha.

yes this is max wit a crazy burnout. heh.

K.

'...I already believe.
that there are some people i'm not meant to wait for
and so i understand
as long as i keep holding on
that's the reason behind my tears
You won't believe
if you marry me
the bliss of tomorrow
I only want you to understand
my heart feels love till it wants to throw up...'

...ai ai ai ai dao yao tu...
...love love love till puke...

Issin't it soooooo funny when you try to translate lyrics from chinese to english? It ain't so bad when you do english to chinese, but the other way? JUST HILARIOUS. and i have been subtle and conservative with my choice of words already.

for people who don't know, this is eason chan's 'K ge zhi wang'.

yeah and im kinda sick. really.

what is it about rainy days.

there's something really nice about rainy days. Not when it's storming and all that..but there's just this sense of calmness. of peace sortof. i have this really nice memory of sitting by the window and looking outside. back in good ol' singapore. it's almost evening and i sip away at a nice warm cuppa in my hands. just taking a breather and thinking about nice things as i watch the raindrops trickle down the window glass. usually accompanied by soft music with meaningful words.

I used to be thinking of you.

now i think of You.

OHAIYO

yawn. yes i do believe in sleep banks. thats why i guess no one will find it the least bit startling if i say i that i just woke up from a 15+hr sleep. hehehe. im in a good mood!! lalalala. now for some food. you get hungry you know, sleeping so much. soon panda==>pig.

sleep deprivation does wonders for your eyes.

It sorta makes it darker.
at least, im talking about the bags around my eyes
which are just huge
interestingly enough
i probably look just like a panda now

its 7am.
i'm still in the lab

understand.

I get it. yet i don't.
why does it always seem this way?
is it just a matter of understanding?
if i am able to comprehend
to make sense
to apply logic
to envision
is that enough
yes?
and
no.
sometimes it just isn't that simple
although how nice it would be if it were so.
simplicity.
but there really is more to it
sometimes you have to go one step further
If i am able to relate

to submit

to open up

to let go


to feel

is that enough?

perhaps.

i may not understand
but it doesn't matter

He does.

sleep kinda late. or early. regardless, good morning!

well well well.

well. can't believe it myself. but i have fixed up this blog of mine. mmm..somehow managed to. motivation is hard to come by these days. comes in spurts so i guess i should make the most of this right now. haha. well..should i get back into this bloggy business thingy or just continue imagining that i never had one? well i guess.. i cant tell now, but things seem to be looking up for this poor bloggy thingy..page...blog..yeah u know.

well at least i fixed up all the missing images and borders! buhbyee to all 'em broken link image thingys! (they looked cool for awhile. sorta. heh.)

well. for starters. i cant stop saying well.
WELL now. ummm.. my hands are so cold i can barely type. porperyl. prpley. PROPERLY. there! ha.

things sure are looking cheery. hope i have a swell time doing my assignment.

well, at least i can rant and complain about it.

i have a blog.

again.