i really, yeah

sometimes i wish i could just be more

honest?

well, with myself anyway. just in the sense that i always am wondering what whoever else is thinking before i say anything.

thoughts swim and cycle around my head numerous times. each having to pass sensitivity tests to assess the appropriateness of the situation before being expressed in speech. shoot. i just cant help it? i've been doing it for years.

but then again, it never used to be this way too! i remember being a loud chatty (fat) kid in primary school who often got into trouble for saying the wrong thing. for thinking out loud. for speaking my mind. perhaps its because i got told off too many times.

flashback: jonathan!! (yes, not jon) stop talking in my class! put your finger on your lips until the end of the period!!!

yes, teacher*
(puts finger on lip, glares at friend)

*side note: how the heck do you pay attention and do work like that? silly teacher.

fast forward to secondary school and the sudden realisation that image matters. being involved in so many extracurricular activities and representing school in this and that sure didnt help.

im darn sure watching those channel8 drama serials growing up also had a part in this. but actually, the more and more i think about it. it's really because, yeah. it's just happened too many times. and each time driving me further and deeper away that the politically correct answers just come on autopilot. so i think, but will not necessary say. well, at least not in the way whatever was initally thought or felt. some may argue it's wisdom, or sensitivity. or 'taming the tongue' (james) or growing old. i think? not all the time. and pushing it too far just leaves you a robot with generic answers. or maybe just someone who isn't honest with himself/herself.

but not that time.

that one slipped out. and maybe im glad it did.

seasons

not the apartment building i used to live in.

but i'm stoked at how God works in seasons.

some difficult times ahead

but in Your word we have hope

let me be still before You Lord

as a weaned child

as a weaned child

(haha i know not the 'manliest' of wannabe descriptions, but of David, song of ascents)

indeed, i am

more than blessed.

have Your way in me

And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's Holy Name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our King

We love you Lord, we worship You
You are our God, You alone are good

You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honour this
The love of Christ, the Saviour King

Let now Your church shine as the bride
That You soar in Your heart as You offered up Your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

I give my life to honour this

The love of Christ

the Saviour King.




lost myself in You

i couldnt help it

eh

it's ironic it really is. things really arent what they seem to be sometimes
just sometimes, we overlook
we over-think
and then we look to ourselves to save the day

but with God, everything else fades away


above all, God has His secrets,
and is worthy to be praised

in every season! :)

yes you have

words fail me





in a good way :)

Jesus Reigns!

The Lord never ceases to amaze me or surprise me.

never ceases to bless
never ceases to love

and I love Him so.

freely You gave it all for us
surrendered Your life upon that cross
great is the love
poured out for all
this is our God

lifted on high from death to life
forever our God is glorified
servant and king
rescued the world
this is our God

I'm alive because Jesus lives

BANG!

haha
this blog has been so neglected.



sometimes, i need days like this. to veg to the point that you can veg no more.
then you start to wake up, and smell the coffee (even though i don't drink coffee)

i wonder. when was the last time i felt so... present?

like existing here and now type - present. most days, i'm light years away...