me

can't believe.

that i found my voice again.

I give it all.

I once was lost, but now I’m found

So far away, but I’m home now

I once was lost, but now I’m found

And now my lifesong sings

I once was blind, but now I see

I don’t know how, but when He touched me

I once was blind, but now I see

And now my lifesong sings

I once was dead, but now I live

Now my life to You I give

Hallelujah

Let my lifesong sing to You

head ache.

that was kinda what i had this morning. my eyes just kinda opened about 8am and it was at that very moment that it dawned upon me - i hadnt slept at all. you know when you kinda have swimming thoughts but you're not really asleep? yeah that was what it was like all night. thank goodness its a sunday and there's like not much on the agenda. (and nothing due, for now)

i had lunch with dino! it was quite random! think he was after some company before going about his studying. had a good chat, with topics ranging from architecture (naturally) to ltc(!). we had jap food in albert park, and finished up with some jocksicecream. was lovely even on a dreary winter afternoon.

kinda like days like this. nothing on the plate. just relax recuperate. sabbath day yeah. :) and just to nurse that headache.

yes im one of those silly ones who dont take panadol (or medication, for that matter)

can die. hahahaha woops, that might be literal (choi touch wood touch branch touch tree what have you!!)

There's a certain beauty to the Lord's Prayer. It's just so honest. doesnt get into specifics, and yet it's still all encompassing. I remember that school made us learn, memorise, and recite it! so the one i memorised is the one which says 'trespasses' as opposed to 'sins' being from presbyterian high school. Goes something like this!


The Lord's Prayer

Our Father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
just as we forgive those
who trespass against us
Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
the power
and the glory
forever and ever

Amen!

awestruck

and its Your mercy that has made me afraid

oh the beauty of Your Majesty

Beautiful Lord

In (His) time.

hey

i suppose you can never know, just what to expect.

and, whatever ensues

i'd just like to say that

i've always wished for the best.

God's best. for you.


through it all



John 15:11-13

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

wondering

a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above you the church bells start to ring
and the heaviness oh the heaviness the body settles in
somewhere a mother starts to sing

then it's one foot then the other as you step out on the road home
still wonderin'
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
and we're not sure how

and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost
it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means

but if you could
do you think you would
trade in all your pain and suffering
cuz then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'

but we're not sure how

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'

we're not sure how this goes

woah

today was just one of those woah days. woke up 4.15am to get to the pier about 5am. just to get kachaued by a few drunk fellas who had partied all night. and to freeze my butt off after finding out the ferry was to arrive at 7am. -_-

still, was a good info session. perhaps one of the more memorable things was the sermon on the radio at 5am! and the crack of dawn sunrise thing that always seems to make me think God thoughts :)

church was great. the message really did speak to me, as did the earlymorning car sermon. i guess in the end, it really is trusting beyond human comprehension. not even what i see/think/imagine but what God sees. like what's more important to Him in a sense? yeah. and to abide in His love.

and to see the kingdom of God
in the hearts of men.

seems like a rough week ahead. busybusybusy. but that means, go and seek God more :)

need some insidetweaking. openpalms.

woah.

Actually

the kind of love
you'd like to give up everything for
more precious
than silver or gold
or precious stones
or other measures of worth


the most worthy of loves
the kind you give up your life for

that love



is free.

and for everyone



His name is Jesus

I don't need to look far for a miracle

just how God has changed my life.

:)

I pray He'll change yours too!

ps. the low family are such nice people :)

will the real jon lee please stand up?

i was just reading through my old posts when a particular one caught my attention. dated dec 20th 2003.

i sound like a different person.

goodness, look at august25th 2003.
im shocked (and amazed) at sept 8
sept 1, 18yearold's concept of ahem

but i actually remember the 20th of dec 2003. i was still really into bball. i was still lovin' and still livin' (haha i used to write like that) and most of all, i remember that play i watched that night with davin. i put up my hand that night and You saw me.

but it almost feels surreal. I can hardly recognize. goes to show how much life changes, shapes, moulds. (You, really :) ) i could never have imagined what was on the cards. not even close. i was happy. i was happy go lucky. not a worry in the world.

not that i'm no longer, but it's just so different.

growing up eh' hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

some say growing up makes you more cynical. you could probably add to list: worry worry worry. more responsibilities. prioritize, prioritize. so much to do so little time. didn't do that well enough. forgot to do that. ah, no money. oh, if only. this one that one. sound familiar? haha.

i was reading a chapter out of 'The Secrets Men Keep' last night. (what a title) and apparently, men find it progressively harder to let stuff out after they've been burned. a state of broken-ness and vulnerability you'd rarely find a man, often hidden under an escutcheon of pride, and image - it's a different type of pride. so yeah, it's tough to talk about deepest darkest. while i don't think this is exclusive to just men, I also see just how vital it is to incorporate deepsharing in men's discipleship.

to comfort them with a; 'it's okay. really.' a pat on the back. a heartfelt prayer.

I used to really love psalm 119. it was the young man's psalm/prayer for me. i also found it soverycool that it was the longest psalm. like extra special haha (ok easily amused) but yeah the whole hide Your Word in my heart theme. loved it to bits.

another thing. i think deep down, for most guys, we still really wanna be that knight (i'll leave out the shining armour). ok, maybe not quite batman dark knight, although that would be reallycool, 'oh, actually im batman' hahahahaok maybe not. but yeah. the whole righteousness, justice, chivalry thing. fighting for what we believe. fighting for the poor. fighting for the powerless, the mistreated. and not only fighting the good fight, and trouncing our enemies, but romancing the lady, (singular, and special) with utmost respect.

but most of all, laying down our lives for the King.

for honour, for glory

for the King that saved us all.


another great point was that Christian men go through years and years of well, being Christian, just to become? well. really nice guys?

is that all we are? or become? really nice guys? forgive me, but mayhap, that sounds a little boring. sorry, but i'd be a batman any day. hahaha. I think it's vital to also remember that as we surrender ourselves continually, it does not necessarily mean we become boring and unassuming. I really think that the Creator is far more creative than that :)

and so, the whole point was? oh yeah. i read an old post from back in 2003.
i think i would do good to remember just how far God has brought me. and be thankful for it. i'm not boring. i 'm just

swept away by His love.

Like Magic.

The way You bring it all together? I couldn't even dream it up as good. Thank You for Your love

i really, yeah

sometimes i wish i could just be more

honest?

well, with myself anyway. just in the sense that i always am wondering what whoever else is thinking before i say anything.

thoughts swim and cycle around my head numerous times. each having to pass sensitivity tests to assess the appropriateness of the situation before being expressed in speech. shoot. i just cant help it? i've been doing it for years.

but then again, it never used to be this way too! i remember being a loud chatty (fat) kid in primary school who often got into trouble for saying the wrong thing. for thinking out loud. for speaking my mind. perhaps its because i got told off too many times.

flashback: jonathan!! (yes, not jon) stop talking in my class! put your finger on your lips until the end of the period!!!

yes, teacher*
(puts finger on lip, glares at friend)

*side note: how the heck do you pay attention and do work like that? silly teacher.

fast forward to secondary school and the sudden realisation that image matters. being involved in so many extracurricular activities and representing school in this and that sure didnt help.

im darn sure watching those channel8 drama serials growing up also had a part in this. but actually, the more and more i think about it. it's really because, yeah. it's just happened too many times. and each time driving me further and deeper away that the politically correct answers just come on autopilot. so i think, but will not necessary say. well, at least not in the way whatever was initally thought or felt. some may argue it's wisdom, or sensitivity. or 'taming the tongue' (james) or growing old. i think? not all the time. and pushing it too far just leaves you a robot with generic answers. or maybe just someone who isn't honest with himself/herself.

but not that time.

that one slipped out. and maybe im glad it did.

seasons

not the apartment building i used to live in.

but i'm stoked at how God works in seasons.

some difficult times ahead

but in Your word we have hope

let me be still before You Lord

as a weaned child

as a weaned child

(haha i know not the 'manliest' of wannabe descriptions, but of David, song of ascents)

indeed, i am

more than blessed.

have Your way in me

And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's Holy Name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our King

We love you Lord, we worship You
You are our God, You alone are good

You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honour this
The love of Christ, the Saviour King

Let now Your church shine as the bride
That You soar in Your heart as You offered up Your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

I give my life to honour this

The love of Christ

the Saviour King.




lost myself in You

i couldnt help it

eh

it's ironic it really is. things really arent what they seem to be sometimes
just sometimes, we overlook
we over-think
and then we look to ourselves to save the day

but with God, everything else fades away


above all, God has His secrets,
and is worthy to be praised

in every season! :)

yes you have

words fail me





in a good way :)

Jesus Reigns!

The Lord never ceases to amaze me or surprise me.

never ceases to bless
never ceases to love

and I love Him so.

freely You gave it all for us
surrendered Your life upon that cross
great is the love
poured out for all
this is our God

lifted on high from death to life
forever our God is glorified
servant and king
rescued the world
this is our God

I'm alive because Jesus lives

BANG!

haha
this blog has been so neglected.



sometimes, i need days like this. to veg to the point that you can veg no more.
then you start to wake up, and smell the coffee (even though i don't drink coffee)

i wonder. when was the last time i felt so... present?

like existing here and now type - present. most days, i'm light years away...

more than meets the eye.

i just had a pleasant time with my bro, cl. :) i really thank God for times like these, where we can just catch up and reflect on what has happened over the past few years. i suppose cl is as close as you get to a bloodbro for me so it was great!



meanwhile i chanced upon this picture on the internet...


needless to say, i was pretty shocked because i once envisioned a scene like this from back when i was 4 or 5 years old and still caught up with my love for transformers. once, my aunt asked me what my ambition was, and i happily replied: "when i gwow up i wanna be a robot"

( i was 4)

later as i understood that this was impossible, i shifted to " i wanna build a big big robot, so big that i have to climb a ladder to reach the top. and mum can bring me my meals during the day"


so as i saw this photo, it just brought back that thought. The image in my mind of a scene from my imagination of age 4. just missing mum with the lunch. haha.



meanwhile whatever happened to the routino. time to get back into action.

and ive got a funny feeling about the lakers...

yakisoba is nice

im too sad to blog today.

the lakeshow is about to end, and there's nothing i can do about it.
i've done not much for pd, and there's so much more i can do about it.

and so and so.
im going to bed like now.




i'm craving my japanese fried noodles. with egg please

blogg therapy

procrastination is probably the number one incentive for me to blog. notice i always start up my blog(s) during exam periods, or when i've got more important things to do. what can i say. im a champion procrastinator.

still, this morning's start wasnt too bad :)

"see you in 24hrs!" mr 8minabs man. haha, the line of the day the line of the day.


COME ON!!! :)


Proverbs 14:22-24

22 Do not those who plot evil go astray?
But those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness.

23 All hard work brings a profit,
but mere talk leads only to poverty.

24 The wealth of the wise is their crown,
but the folly of fools yields folly.

change of operating system.

are you a windows xp person? perhaps a mac osX (leopard or tiger?). pretty sure there aren't any windows vista purists out there (yet). maybe a linux penguin? *how come so many animals associated with operating systems - apart from microsoft!?*

anyway, i need a new operating system. not for my computer(s) mind you. but rather, for myself.

yes, a new system by which to operate with.

and the highlight's gotta be called: hardwork

yes, i'm sitting in union house waiting for the kopiministry guys :) contemplating my next venue to begin my revision for property development. this will be the last one that i don't have any good friends to revise together with. well, hopefully anyway. :) gotta step out of the boat more.

let's look at some key programs to integrate with the new upcoming OS:

• it's gotta start right. nothing sets you back further than a bad start to the day. i've noticed it tends to carry through to the rest of the day (and night) so it's gotta start from when you pop your eyes open. - that means no snoozing. a warm shower peps you up.


• establish good sleeping patterns. try to get to bed before twelve, and be up before seven. sleeping too little gets you cranky. sleeping too much gets you lazy.


• do QT in the morning. start the day with prayer. commit the day to God and remember his mercies right from the start of the day.


• try to exercise in the morning. not too heavy, you don't want to tire yourself out for the rest of the day, but heavy enough to work up a good sweat and get that heart rate going. alternate between swimming, running and gym.


• run errands after exercise. nothing like getting all the admin out of the way so that you can concentrate on the day's main program.


• spend at least an 2 hours a day on work. considering all the time i actually have a week, 2 hours a day is not much to ask at all. spend that solid 2 hours on whatever i can. if there's nothing to do, find something to do.

hmmmm that sounds quite do-able. if not ambitious. haha. i'll try to start this OS after the exam and through to next semester.

nownow, time to start work :)

kobe ftw!

image courtesy of espn.com

the lakers won today. only just. like, just just. barely got it but a win is still a win, as kvh says.

down 2-1 now. do i like the lakers chances? i dont know. really this series could go either way, but i've got a few points/notes about the finals series:

- boston plays terrific D. people talk about 'lakers need to move the ball around more'. it's not that they don't want to, they can't. no lazy passes here, you can't even receive (or make a pass) without a celtic defender draped all over you and forcing you off-balance. which makes for an easy reach or strip because without getting your balance you don't have much strength to hang on to the ball, much less make a play. celts have a definite edge in this aspect, taking the lakers out of their triangle offense which emphasizes so much on ball and player movement.

- that being said, boston also make a lot of illegal defensive plays. the refs don't call it because the whole team plays like that so it doesn't stand out. also bad on the lakers for not selling the fouls enough. KG got called once for an illegal screen but he got away with a whole lot of other ones. (van gundy and markjackson agree) but if you look properly PJbrown and Perkins get away with a lot too.

- but, to be fair, the lakers also get away with a lot here and there. kobe thinks he's fouled every possession, which, while there's a lot of contact, is not always the case. Pau just gets manhandled and never gets a call, but shame on him for not finishing and not selling the foul. he's the new mr softy. odom can't finish anything at the rim. never ever have a seen odom finish a layup at the rim if he's got some momentum and run-up. (unless he dunks it) if you ask me, odom for the lakers has been the most disappointing by far.

- meanwhile rayray hit 5 threes in game 3 to keep them close (and fill in for the lack of scoring by kg and pp) good for him, he's been quiet for most of the playoffs. people were saying next season he'd just be a role player and it'd be down to big 2 and the rest. so good for him to show up on the biggest stage.

- ive said this time and again, but ive been most impressed with sasha 'the machine' vujacic. from day one by far the most confident player (aside from kobe) to take the floor for the lakers. i like the way he's playing and he's definitely got a winning mentality. confidence is the biggest thing for a shooter and sasha certainly has no lack of it. he and farmar have been impressive. the rest of the 'bench mob' really subpar. mr space cadet radmanovic is good at times but unless he gets a constant signal to earth its hard to rely on him.

still, lakers gotta win the next 2 games (at least). so stay tuned.

sigh.

if for everyone there was a certain look in the opposite sex that always gets your attention, that always make you turn your head... then this is that look for me.






any noticeable similarities? haha

coincidentally these are the main actresses in all the japanese dramas that i've been watching. :)

tondakke!?

heartattack.

wao lao i thought i'd lost my passport!
almost died.
but then
i found it
under my bed
thank You, Lord

:)

This is the new one.

i come to realise that to make a new blog, i don't need all the flashy stuff. none of the good graphics, photos etc.

i just need a place to rant. to shout. to be myself. behind all the flashy stuff.

and so, i don't need time to make a new blog. i already have one. this one. the alternate one. the one that only k knows. that I know. that You know.

it's probably (tabun) true that ive got an intimacy problem. maybe an esteem/popularity one that i didnt realise i had. I've always wondered what it was like to be like a yamapi for instance. (well more so that i could then be with masami/maki) but then i come to realise that they've probably got more problems than i do. it's all relative probably. I want to thank You for all that You've done, for all the times You've been there. been here. and all that You're about to do. i'm not into self-consolation. but having a low profile is good. it offers all the liberty of being true to yourself. of being honest with yourself. w/o thinking about what others think. i was never a quiet type of person, but i was and am a thinkingtype. which in turn led me to be yeah. whatever. haha. (suddenly i rem telling lucien that im a melancholic by nature) that's probably not entirely true. but i have my server downtimes.

sometimes i wonder why that is. what is it that ignites me like that. funny thing i realise, it can only be done really with mandarin/canto/japanese. it's like i've got a plug that stops me from being receptive/emo when it comes to english. haha. i know that sounds awfully silly, but it's like i've grown indifferent to the words of the english language. well, a lot of it anyway. haha. now, taking that a level deeper, could it possibly be because when i speak mandarin (or anything else) i actually put thought into what im saying? that is, because i have to think properly/carefully about what i want to say, so it feels that what i have to say bears more meaning, more truth? well, it definitely is more honest anyway. it also has helped me realise that im NOT a melancholic by nature. that im not has quiet/softspoken/reticent/lowprofile as i sometimes make myself out to be. what happened to iajl circa'95? I distinctly remember a confident individual who had a personality bigger than his midsection. and that midsection was prettydarnbig. like TAF club type big. so, what changed?

hahahahaha. i do know what changed actually. puberty. girls. image. the works. there could be a long list here, but i'll save myself the trouble. actually, up to age 13 it was pretty good. but after kl it went downhill. hey waitaminute! it's almost ten years ago. haha it already is ten years ago, just about. to think that a decade ago how much has changed. how much has happened. how faithful You are.

Lord let me want to worship You
for everything
for You alone, are God
You alone deserve all the praise
ignite my heart Lord,
to love
to sing
to praise
to give thanks
to You my Lord and King

zui liao jie wo de shi ni
er zui ai wo de ye shi ni

help me see that You are the source
of love
of life
of all things that are of You
let me put my faith, my trust, my hope
in You my King
that i will not look back and regret
nor will i turn to the right and left
but to reach for You
knowing that You love me
so let me love You too
with all that I am

Amen.

i donwanna be cold. i wanna be hot. i wanna be on fire.