Refusing to give in.

Yesss its been awhile since i last had an entry. If you would like to know. it has to do with the exams coming up. all 4 of 'em. I really did intend to 'camp' at home. seclude and exclude myself from everything else. sit meself down n just hit the books. hard.
As it is. Things never go to plan. Why am i not surprised.
Its sunday today. just got hm from church. Great message it was. One that i'll definitely take with me for all the years to come. Its two days before the first exam on tuesday morning. which leaves me...the rest of today + tmr to finish preparing for it. Once i get past this week!! arghhh. property ain't really that bad. its structures that is the hard one. Intensive studying, i need. Concentrate on what's ahead, i must do. Stop speaking like Yoda, just for the lame-ness of it, have to at least for the rest of this paragraph.
Sometimes i wish i'd just go get my 3 phone repaired. cant seem to get around to it. mmmmm. haveto haveto haveto. Haveto this. Haveto that.
Tell you what i need. I need to relax.
I need You.
i cant do without You. and i cant do it without You.

and i think i sleep way to much for my own good. yes yes, the eyebags, i know. but they're there all the time really. sleep is good. but there's a time for things. and now is really not a time for sleep. ive written this post in 3 seperate sessions. in the afternoon, evening and night saving it as a draft to continue each time.
Incredibly, the title of this post has been ringing in my head everytime i log into blogger.com today. Each and everytime. thats kinda weird considering i clean forget what i had previously wrote in each individual session. Guess that shows whats REALLY in my head. at the back of mind, throughout all the study n knowledge on the surface. and all the sidetracking written above.
I refuse to give in. I will persevere. Perhaps not for my own good but it doesnt matter. you dont know. and it aint about me. it shouldnt be. i only have one part in this. all the whys i ask myself. the uncertainties. its breathtaking sometimes. yet it seems so natural. just how did you come into the picture. it hasnt been easy to say the least. and it probably wont be for a good while. but since i get to pour it all out to Him, i really shouldnt worry so much. i believe. perhaps not in myself but in Him definitely. don't know where i will be led, but ive stopped wondering. imagining. trying to find a logical way out. but ive come to realise. there IS no logical way out. there is no planning, no preparing. no point thinking so much. there is only trust, and faith. because it is that great. because it is unpredictable.
And so i refuse to give in.

thats whats really on my mind.